Diamond Ninja Force (1988) 1h 32min · Action, Fantasy, Horror · 21 February 1988
We begin with Shô Kosugi demonstrating the use of a katana, saying nothing about the film he is introducing. When Gordon is taking his girlfriend's picture in Hong Kong, several Caucasian thugs led by a Chinese man, Kogan, threaten her, so he beats them up. Elsewhere, Bernard Wong pays his workers extra money to continue digging his land after discovering human bones. The thugs are members of the Black Ninja Clan, whose dead are buried on Wong's site. One of their operatives strangles Gordon's girlfriend, believing she knows where Gordon has hidden the Golden Ninja statue that apparently gives him power and won't say, while another hires Ghost Ninja, a beautiful witch dressed in white to kill Wong, his daughter Fanny, her husband George, and her son, Bobo, for three million dollars. Fanny is frightened by a cat in the house upon move-in, and the Black Ninja leader keeps swing her sword to hallucinate frogs jumping to their deaths out of her refrigerator and her soup ladle turning into a flying snake (strung on a wire that is highly visible without pausing despite being a split-second shot). The witch keeps spooking Fanny and Bobo, who insists on riding his bike in the living room, but George doesn't believe either of them. Gordon (sitting in front of a poster of a strangled woman marked "this could happen to you" and another poster of a swimsuit model) responds to their complaints (in shot-reverse shot, as they're obviously not in the same film) and commands Magic Chan, a wizard with a magic mirror he has forgotten, and his obese sidekick, Firecracker, in the same manor, and frequently keeps in touch on the phone after his Caucasian operative living next door, Sara, is murdered by a zombie man. Sometimes he uses a black phone, but more often it is a Garfield phone (which the camera moves and music suggest is supposed to be funny). The Ghost Ninja is more interested in her own desires than killing the family, and masturbates to the couple's lovemaking before spiriting herself into Fanny's vagina (there is no full-frontal nudity) in order to lure George away from her, though she makes him physically ill, as she did to Bobo by stuffing his mouth full of handfuls of grass. The Ghost Ninja, once compelled by the Black Ninja leader, calls upon more women like dressed her, plus one impersonating Bobo's grandmother as a lure for him, and the zombie man, in an all-out assault against the family, while the two bumbling idiots (Firecracker and Magic Chan) are having a drinking contest, and Gordon, in a red ninja suit, who has been offing the Caucasian ninjas, prepares to confront Kogan, the Black Ninja leader. - Written by Scott Andrew Hutchins
Director(s): Godfrey Ho Cast: Richard Harrison, Melvin Pitcher, Andy Chworowsky
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